Avery Jane

Avery and Willow

So, it's been 6 weeks and 4 days since our little girl was born. Life has been quiet and exhausting. I haven't been posting anything because a) I'm tired all the time and when I think about sitting down and typing it sounds ... well, tiring and b) What do I have to talk about? Do you want to know all the nitty-gritty details of our child's birth? Probably not (of course you can always ask, I don't mind over sharing if you are curious). Do you want to know about Avery's nursing and lack of sleep schedule? Her diapers? Probably a 'no' to those as well. I feel like so many of the mundane moments with Avery are precious, but not easily shared with others. How do you explain the gummy smiles, the open mouth kisses, the way she smells, and how her little body seems to fit perfectly on my chest - like she was meant for cuddling?

Okay, disclaimer: I am going to talk about Avery's birth.

The first time I got to go to the NICU and hold our child I cried. I looked at her and loved her. I know, almost every new parent has this experience, but this was the first time for me. When she was born she wasn't breathing. My first glimpse of our baby was as she was being handed over to the respiratory therapist. She was an off-color and motionless. She looked dead. As she disappeared into the throng of people that had congregated in our room during the delivery, I was steeling myself for the worst while hoping for the best. She started breathing on her own after a couple minutes of help, thank goodness. Of course this didn't stop Andrew from constantly questioning whether our daughter would have brain damage. Just what I did not want to think about. She was whisked away to be put on an IV and monitored. I was left with the nurses. While they were checking my vitals I jokingly said "Thank goodness I didn't bother writing a birth plan!" They laughed and then asked how I'd been so calm during all the craziness. I told them that it wouldn't help anyone if I was freaking out. In fact it probably would have drawn the attention away from our baby who needed it more than I did at that moment. It was hard for me to wait for my epidural to wear off. I wanted to see Avery (who was actually nameless at the time - her ID bands said "Baby Willow", don't ask me why). The labor and delivery hadn't gone as I'd expected. Wasn't I supposed to be bonding with my baby? In our birthing class we'd learned that the first hour is critical. I'd been expecting skin to skin contact and trying to nurse, not laying in a hospital room waiting to use my legs. Despite all this, our little girl is healthy and beautiful. The hospital staff kept telling us that she was one of the prettiest babies. Her long eyelashes and easy temperament helped, I'm sure. We love her. She is perfect.