Action Oriented Change

Sara Jimenez, Surrender

I know I have a great life. I'm not going to pretend that I don't. Andrew is a wonderful provider and spouse. The whole "he is my best friend" shtick seems cheesy and overused, but it's so true! He is my best friend. I often feel like I am letting him down when he leaves for work and I stay home. Not only do I feel like I'm not contributing financially to our marriage (which I am capable of doing and have no excuse not to), but I feel like I'm not contributing to society. It would be different if I spent more of my time bettering myself and doing more for our family or community, yet I continue to stay inside and accomplish nothing. Yes, we have clean clothes and sheets. Yes, we have food on the table (at least we would if I had a table to put it on). Yes, the shelves are dusted and the toilets are clean, but there is so much more to life than housework!

So, I've finally decided to change. None of this "I need to..." or "I have to...", no lists involved, no planning, just "I will..." and doing. What do I need to change? A lot. It all started today with the support of my wonderful best friend and hubby Andrew. He woke me up (I'm still working on getting myself up in the morning, don't judge!) and we studied our scriptures together. Next I spoke to my not-married-to-me best friend Kendra and we discussed some of the reasons we have both been down on ourselves lately... very therapeutic conversation! In order to continue this wonderfully productive day I made a green smoothie and drank all 44 oz of it. Unfortunately it was a little too green and the extra Kale made it hard to choke down. The laundry is almost done, the dishes are being magically cleaned in the dishwasher - love that thing - and I am already feeling like I have the potential to do more, a lot more.

These small things are all well and good, but I've had bigger changes on my mind for a while now. As important as my goal to shower every day is, it's just not the same as my goal to create and finally become an "artist". Something about that word seems strange to me. When I think of an "artist", I think of commercial success. I don't know why that is. I don't feel like I could put that down as an occupation and maybe that's my problem. I view art as an occupation. Would I like it to be a source of income, sure, but is that why I feel the desire to create this nebulous thing called art? No. So, art seems like it is doomed to be relegated to a hobby. Something I enjoy and wish I was better at. Well, hopefully I will eventually change that. I've swallowed my pride and signed up for a painting class! It's time to admit I suck and get over it. Okay, that's a bit too harsh. 

My watercolor class starts tomorrow and I am nervous! When I think of watercolors, I usually think of floral, boring stuff. But that is really just a cover up for my fear of the medium. Watercolors are beautiful and by their very nature create luminous effects. Watercolors are basically made of pigments that are soluble in water. They often have a transparent and pure look to them because they allow light to reflect off the surface of the paper. The big downside is that painting with watercolors is hard! They are the most unforgiving art medium, hands down, and don't allow any room for mistakes. You have to be either experienced and precise when applying your paints or free and open to whatever. I am too fussy and often overwork things. This is not a good thing for this style. The colors don't have the same coverage as oils and acrylics, so you can't go back and reapply more color to fix something. Also, watercolors are usually done on paper and unlike canvas, paper can only take so much. I'm really going to have to change a lot of things to get the best out of myself during this class.  

Sara Jimenez, Two-Headed Dog

When I watched the second season of Work of Art online I liked the style of one of the artists, Sara Jimenez, a lot and she did mostly watercolor. I looked up her portfolio and was not impressed (mostly due to her subject matter), but I am grateful for the glimpse she gave me into a different sort of watercolor. I've since found even more watercolor inspiration. Artists like Silvia Pelissero, Marion Bolognesi, Dilka Bear, Ben Tour, Reey Whaar, Muttiy, Molly Brill, Sonya-san, Sunaysenturk, Jason Graham, and the list could go on forever, all make me want to master this medium! Now that I've just spent a few hours looking at different watercolor paintings, I'm excited to try out this relatively-new-to-me medium (yes, I did some watercolor landscapes with my grandma when I was about 9, but that's been a while). Wish me luck!